I am Lyubov Ranyevskaya, I am mother of Anya and Varya. I'm a kind and caring person, though, I may be a little blindsided by the pain I've experienced in the past. I care about my family and my friends, I only want what's best for them. I'm strong and stand by my ideas and it's hard for myself to be influenced by other's points and idea's. I come from a well off background, well educated and well cared for. Though, the losses of my son and my husband have both affected me greatly and my view on the world. My second husband was another bad experience to add to my list, I ran looking for comfort after death of my son and found a man who lured me into a sense of false hope then ran off with another woman. I know that there is pain in my past but I chose not to face it, almost because I don't want to influence my negativity onto other people's lives. However, this causes me to be a little single minded about certain subjects - such as the issues concerning my estate and cherry orchard. My upbringing here, birthed many memories attached to the estate and orchard - influencing my reluctance to sell it. I often have trouble letting go of things due to the emotional influence it's had one me.
I'm sitting in my old nursery. The furniture is almost the exact same since I last saw it, the colours are bright and bold - perfect for when I was growing up. There's a window at the back of the room, looking out onto the estate's orchard, I used to look out of there everyday when I was younger. However, there's raining beating down against the window at this moment, it's quite cold. Sitting on one of the cupboards, in the corner of the room, are a few of my old toys from when I was younger - they're worn from over time but they provide a state of comfort. This rooms means a lot to me, I have a lot of memories attached to this place, many a day I spent playing in here with my brother. I like to come and just sit and observe the room, just being in here transports me back to my childhood days.
It's a cold Wednesday morning, the sun has barely risen. It's mid may, one or two days after I arrived back at the estate. I felt restless in my bed and felt the pull of the nursery.
My home country is Russia, however, I've been in Paris for the last couple of years, fleeing from the death of my son. There I found a husband, but that feel apart and is now in the past. I barely made a real home for myself in Paris, so on my return to Russia I had very few things to bring back with me.
I'm searching for comfort. I'm searching for love. I'm striving to find a place in the world that I can be completely comfortable in, I thought that was Paris - it wasn't. I'm searching to find love, whether that be in my family, friends, a lover or the memory of this estate. I need to settle back into my old home and move on with my future. I need to face my problems and the tragic events in my past, however, I do not know this consciously. My actions are all motivated by the fact I need to settle back, and find comfort.
- Why do I need it?/Why do I need it now?
I need it and I need it now because all the issues in my past are banking up and becoming too much for me. The looming sale of my estate and orchard is casting a shadow everything I do, I know it's something I need to do but I need the comfort it gives me. I need that in my life at this moment, especially after the events in Paris. I could feel myself losing it in Pairs, being away from this estate and my family. I needed to come back right away, I needed the comfort and the love that comes with this estate. I need it to block out everything that's happened to me, I need it so I can have a sense of stability and comfort in my life.
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